It's just to much!
It's been some time since I've posted. It seems like my life keeps changing every 5 minutes! Aren't things supposed to start being more stable when you hit your 30's?!? I wish I had something witty or clever to write about, I am not in that place right now. But here's the latest! Sooo....I have two job leads that came down this week and all of the sudden everything is moving so fast. I have been trying to coordinate doing my actual job and these two opportunities at the same time! Well, both look good, I do want one of them a little more then the other one, but I am willing to take which ever one comes first and make that the decision maker. However, things may get a little bit sticky. Ok, let me explain... the position I really want is with a company that is one of our biggest clients right now (and the person I am talking about it with is through a networking thing and not a position I actually applied for), therefore, they need to talk it over with the president of my company for purposes of "client sensitivity" d'oh!!! We both didn't know this was going to come down the pipes, but apperently that's who the executives at Company B want to do this! Now the president (where I currently work) is going to know I'm looking - after just 8 months of being there, so even if it doesn't work out, he will know I was looking. Well this is just going to have to be the risk I take. If I don't risk anything, I don't get anything. And ooooh if he stands in my way, there will be some ugliness !! But after talking with this individual for a while (who really seemed to be going to bat for me) we decided that you have to do what makes you happy, and bottom line is I am not happy here. Stay tuned!
In other news, I am going to the bay area next week for Orthodox easter. I will be spending 4 days with people who have not had meat or chocolate for 55 days - I am afraid of how much food will be in front of me - at all times! lol Let me just tell you a little bit about fasting in the Orthodox faith, at the end of it, those people go on a week long EATATHON - it is a bit scary. Anyway, I hope it will be a nice chance to see some friends I have not seen in so long and catch up and - yes - of course - EAT:) But of course that means double cardio and tennis at the gym!!
This trip I am going to do something I have not been successful with in last trips back home. I am going to try and refrain from seeing or making any contact with him... yes there is always a him (or her I guess) the one that makes you weak, the one that makes you not think right or logical or with any damn sense. That one. Well, yes, that one is there and it's so much easier not to dwell on him when he is so far away, but going home and knowing I am so close, yes, you guessed it, makes me weak again:( I'm still trying to figure out how best to deal with him, I'm still trying to figure out how to be rational and still protect my heart. I'm still trying to figure out if he can stay in my life as a freind or if that is just not going to be possible for us. It's the kind of situation where sometimes I see hope and other times I see that I just need to let go. My heart doesn't want to let go but my mind is thinking that maybe it's time to do just that. (I really want my heart to win, but my heart doesn't know how to pick up the broken pieces when things don't go as planned). Dealing with him has always been, shall I say "special". He is not typical that's for sure. I've actually had to cut off my friendship for a time with him until I learned that I have to deal with him in a certein way or keep certien things in mind about him and sometimes I didn't understand it (and still don't) but he was important enough to me to put forth that effort for. I knew I didn't want to lose him, and I was even good at just being his friend, but we kept crossing lines, and we all know what happens when you cross lines...yep...your damn heart don't know the difference!!! So, yes, here we are again. And I am going to try and restrain myself, but if I grant myself the pleasure of seeing him, being with him and enjoying his presense it will be on my terms this time.
In other news, I am going to the bay area next week for Orthodox easter. I will be spending 4 days with people who have not had meat or chocolate for 55 days - I am afraid of how much food will be in front of me - at all times! lol Let me just tell you a little bit about fasting in the Orthodox faith, at the end of it, those people go on a week long EATATHON - it is a bit scary. Anyway, I hope it will be a nice chance to see some friends I have not seen in so long and catch up and - yes - of course - EAT:) But of course that means double cardio and tennis at the gym!!
This trip I am going to do something I have not been successful with in last trips back home. I am going to try and refrain from seeing or making any contact with him... yes there is always a him (or her I guess) the one that makes you weak, the one that makes you not think right or logical or with any damn sense. That one. Well, yes, that one is there and it's so much easier not to dwell on him when he is so far away, but going home and knowing I am so close, yes, you guessed it, makes me weak again:( I'm still trying to figure out how best to deal with him, I'm still trying to figure out how to be rational and still protect my heart. I'm still trying to figure out if he can stay in my life as a freind or if that is just not going to be possible for us. It's the kind of situation where sometimes I see hope and other times I see that I just need to let go. My heart doesn't want to let go but my mind is thinking that maybe it's time to do just that. (I really want my heart to win, but my heart doesn't know how to pick up the broken pieces when things don't go as planned). Dealing with him has always been, shall I say "special". He is not typical that's for sure. I've actually had to cut off my friendship for a time with him until I learned that I have to deal with him in a certein way or keep certien things in mind about him and sometimes I didn't understand it (and still don't) but he was important enough to me to put forth that effort for. I knew I didn't want to lose him, and I was even good at just being his friend, but we kept crossing lines, and we all know what happens when you cross lines...yep...your damn heart don't know the difference!!! So, yes, here we are again. And I am going to try and restrain myself, but if I grant myself the pleasure of seeing him, being with him and enjoying his presense it will be on my terms this time.
posted by desertrose @ 8:42 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:40 AM,
Jez Chill said…
If you know that your management will find out about you looking for a job, it will probably be in your best interest to notify your mgmt ASAP, so they won't block any of your opportunities. Good Luck! Hope the grass actually is greener on the other side.
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