Are you kidding me...

I just spent the past 6 months bending over backwards for this company and this department. I worked late nights, I worked weekends, I used my own personal resources to validate things for this company because their network is soooo bad that it could not support half the testing... using my own personal computer was more stable!! I have never backed down when asked to do things that were not within my responsibilities. And now I ask if I can work from home because as an analyst I am now doing the Project Manager functions in addition to my own and this is the response I get: "There’s no specific due date for this yet. I think it’s probably going to be in June though. We normally don’t allow working from home. " I bend over backwards and asking to work from home to get some peace and quite and less interruptions is now an issue??? HELL NO!! Something is going to change. I am so frustrated right now, and quite honestly I'm not giving my all anymore, I'm simply going to do my job and let's see how much they appreciate that. Companies just don't realize how much of a difference they can make if they just listen. This is a progressive workforce and some companies get it. And I guess some just don't. If I get asked to stay late, I'll just say I can't, if I get asked to work over time, I'll just say I'm busy, it's not like I get over time anyway. Screw this. I know I'm in some kind of mood right now.Maybe the fact that I locked my keys in the trunk this morning while filling up my car with gas in an effort to get to work EARLIER is what started this day the way it's going...only to find out that when I called AAA and they came out, the guy told me since the keys are in the trunk that he could not open the car because it would set the alarm off and the fact that I did not have the keys to disalarm it we wouldn't be able to open the trunk! Well, great! I don't have a spare, they're at home. He has to drive me home, I have to track down a manager because my apartment keys were in the car and of course the leasing office to my apartments are closed becuase it's still to early in the morning. And this guy from AAA is kindly waiting for me to get all this (he doesn't have to do any of this) and I finally get the manager and the keys, but yeah....that's been my morning!!!

Here we go, I just got a phone call from someone asking a technical question for the application we are trying to build and I just passed it on to someone else. This is the beginning of my lack of interest in this place. And they will see a difference. Just telling me that I've made such a difference since I've started here is not enough. Now you have to start showing me. My review is coming up in a couple of weeks. I will have a few things to say.

To rent or not to rent...

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. As for me, I kind of forgot it was Easter in the first place. My family doesn't celebrate Easter (or any other religious holiday for that matter) at the same time as the rest of the world. It's always been different, I've grown up always having my dates mixed up:). My family is Orthodox and the calendar is always different (please refer to the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding). It used to bother me, now it doesn't bother me so much. Since I've found myself to become less concerned with my "religious" life and more concerned with my "spiritual" life. To me it's just a date, what is being celebrated is the same thing, I've found myself "going through the motions" trying to stick to the Orthodox calendar to appease my family and nothing more. That's just how I feel right now. So when I heard Happy Easter all weekend it was catching me off guard!
Anyway, I come and gone to the Bay area this weekend. I got my taxes done and this sucked! I felt the difference this last year not owning my house. Now I have to re-think all my priorities and how I want to live. Renting right now is convenient, and it's easy and there is nothing to worry about most of the time, and I can call the maintenance office every time something needs to be fixed. And right now that's OK. I know I don't want to rent forever, but at this time it makes sense. Is a few thousand dollars at the end of the year worth going to great lengths right now, when I am not sure what I want to do or where I want to live (which is definitely not Orange County). Obviously I don't want to rent forever, but at this time it seems to make sense and is conducive to my lifestyle. Am I supposed to be 30 years old and still trying to figure things out??? I guess in due time it will all fall in to place.
As for anything else interesting happening while I was gone. Absolutely nothing! Which leads to my next question. They say you have to let something go or set it free and if it's meant to be it will come back to you. How do you know when it is the right time to let it go and if it comes back how are you supposed to know that it is now right again. How are you supposed to discern this difference when there are to many feelings and emotions involved not allowing for an objecive way of reasoning. If anyone has anything to offer, please do:(
But I did have fun with my mom and sister, hanging out with them was comical as usual. I had fun with them, although I am still bitter at my sister for not letting me sleep on the couch just becuase I can't stay awake through movies!
(Sorry Jezchill, I know it's still not all that exciting yet, but nothing exciting has happened yet:)).

Am I Crazy??

So this goes back to my first blog. My thoughts are becoming more and more serious of quitting this corporate job and venturing out into the entrepreneurial world, where I make the rules and I am my own boss. I have some ideas, and I have been busy talking to people. I don't know if I am thinking crazy, I mean I have a "stable" job, I have a consistant income, I have health insurance and a 401K. But I just feel like you only live once and I am working the majority of my time and working hard(for someone else) just to buy things for myself that I can't enjoy because I am so tired anyway by the time I am finished working. I feel like, at least if I am going to work hard, let me do it for me and let me control it and let me make the rules! But it takes money to make money, and this is a really huge step. To let go of "security" and then you may or may not even make it. I am not saying I am going to quit my job tomorrow, I am doing my research, I am talking to people, I am identifying all my options and paths. But I think this is going to be the path I take, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I've been working in this environment for the last 10 years, I think it's time to change.
If I do my part, I know God's got me:).

In other news, I am driving home tomorrow, so I will have ample time to think about all this on the road. This should be an interesting weekend. Hope to have news when I come back! Ciao!

They've got me trapped!

So the company decided to cut us off from the outside world. They've blocked all messengers, so this is my forum to vent for now:(.
Since moving to Southern California I've become addicted to listening to Steve Harvey in the morning, he's crazy but he's funny and he's always making me laugh. Anyhow, I want to post one of his morning conversations that I particularly loved and remembered. Steve was responding to a letter regarding relationships of course, and in the context of his answer he said the following: he said that a man just needs a woman to care about him (as he told a story of when he met his wife and his credit was bad, she took all his paychecks gave him a little portion of it and sent all the rest to pay his creditors, etc... and then he married her) anyway, he said a man just needs a woman who will care about him, thats all he wants, someone who will show him she's gonna ride with him...and that once men start getting to 30, they begin to see it ain't about nothin to be a player. i like steve in the morning! lol but yeah, for some reason, I continue to meet the ones who do think it's about something to be a player:). But I know someday that will change, right:).
I may post some morning words of wisdom from Steve from time to time, any time I am especially inspired.
That's all for now, I need to go to lunch, I may be back later!

I forgot...

I forgot to give a shout out to Rashidi who helped me choose my website name, when that was the last thing holding me back from getting this thing going! Thanks Rashidi (you're still theAdvisor) :).

My first time...

I guess It's taken me a while to step in to this day and age on a few things, and this blogging thing is one of them. I have read so many blogs of people that I know, friends, people that I don't even know and I thought this may be a good form of expression. I hope I can be as honest as possible and consistant as well. I fear that some things I would hold back with, but I guess my inner most deep secrets I can use a pen and still use my journal for:). I have not fully decided the format yet, as a daily log or as a place to talk about any other things that may be going on or that I am thinking about - maybe a little bit of both... but I guess it will become clear as time goes by. So this is my first blog ever, a little scary:). So I'll stop getting boring now and get in to today. Today was a day of great contemplation. For a long time now I have been thinking that this corporate america thing is just not for me anymore. Sitting in my cubicle for over 8 hours a day taking orders from someone else is starting to wear thin, and for what? So they can proudly reward me with some ridiculous increase at the end of the year "to thank me for all my hard work"?? I work all day long, come home continue to work some more, to "prove" myself, just to get a pat on the back. Which I do get...all the time. But I am starting to need something more. It's starting not to cut it anymore. I don't want to have to figure how I want to take time off every time I want to go on a trip or do personal things, but I spend all kinds of personal time working! I need a plan. I need to think of something that I can do which gives me my own time and something that lets me make up the rules. I'll think of something. Any suggestions. Wish me luck:).